derita merindu

Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal
Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan
Kau yang tak percaya? bagaimana nak bahagia


Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa


Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata
harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu
Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu
Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia..
Aku pilih derita..


Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Mungkinkah esok atau lusa walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada, ku tetap kan setia
Entah bila akan tiba sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah
Kaulah tanda tanya? kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
Kaulah tanda tanya? kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula


Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apalagi memandangku
Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan terimalah saja kenyataan?
Aku masih terkilan


Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa


Jika kau dapat memahami hati seorang perindu
Baru kau tahu derita hatiku
Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat derita diriku
Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku
Apa gunanya bahgia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu
Aku pilih derita merinduimu


Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa


p/s: i think i start to miss someone :-)

4.00am ( 17.11.2009)

aku tidak menyedari the clock time when i wrote this. sebab was stuck in reading notes for my exam paper today. the paper is MTE3112, Assessment Practices In Mathematics. banyak juga facts yang kena hafal.

just decided to scribble something before i go off to bed. need to wake up by 9am, to do some last and light reading of the exam notes and most penting, tips. haha. so much depend on tips. :-) well, that is a maktab life student experiences.

in three months from now, i will turn 23. huhu. become older. and hopefully wiser. haha. next year will be my final year at maktab. plus i hope to capai all my hasrat hati for the new year. as they say, age is just a number. most penting, the heart never grows old. if you are reading this mom and dad, please get me my special gift for my birthday. nanti i will tell both of you ya what i want as a birthday gift. :-)

sometimes in life, we don't get what we want. no matter how hard we try. all that is left is kepenatan and bitterness and tears towards our own self. i have learnt that in life, no matter how much money one can have, they can't buy happiness. sometimes, the best things in life are free. haha :-)

you can't force someone to like you. it is a feeling that develops mengikut waktu. but if you like someone, can you stop to like the person once the the person doesn't like you back.? haha. that is a damn tricky question my close girlfriend once asked me. thinking back, maybe yes, maybe no.

but sometimes, moving on is the hardest part. tears in the heart can never been seen unlike tears in the eyes. every night the heart pours out tears that can fill a sea. why does this happen.? why does things happen that way that causes it.? could another remedy besides crying be the solution.?


p/s: a wound in the body is faster to heal then a wound in the heart.

friday the 13th ( 13.11.2009)

actually i didn't' ever sedar the date for today. then one of my friend started getting nuts i think and talk about the history related to the Friday the 1th. haha. to me its just karut and no related to reality at all. total bollocks in my opinion.

i woke up and my beloved houseamte 'da bao' one packet of my favourite nasi lemak. how nice to wake up everyday like this. hehe :-) after makan it, then i terus back to tidur. even though i have two more papers for exam next week, i malas nak study at all. help me. :-)

yesterday, was the first time i went to LCCT at sepang there. haha. was to go and pick up one of my beloved housemates elder brother. he has a convocation here at PWTC. was a fun journey to there while sembang-sembang with friends in the car.

today i janji to myself to study at least two hours after i come back from pasar malam at Leisure Mall there. going the with beloved housemates again. haha

yesterday was nice because my beloved dad called me. haha. sounds pelik kan. he actually rarely calls me. but when he calls me, he only has very valuable words of wisdom from scripture to share with me.he is a man of few words. but when it comes to scripture, he is the man. hes only source of guidance in life is the Bible. love you dad, if you happen to read this.


p/s: love my father, mother and little brother very much :-)

exam blues

in another six hours, i will be facing my MTE 3111 exam paper. mula at 8.30am sampai 11.00am.
i hope i can do well for this paper. put in some effort which is over the limit for my standard. haha. my next paper is on 17 november and the last paper is on 19 november. two major mathematics paper and one minor english paper. exams have a way of bringing out the best and worst of us. hehe. just kidding.

need to 'shui jiao' means sleep now. badan and otak sudah meronta kepenatan and i pun mengalah kepada permintaan mereka. goodnite everyone.


p/s: The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. haha. nice quote :-)

somewhere only we know

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So, tell me when you gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, so why don't we go?

Hmmm yeahh.

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know?


keane-somewhere only we know



p/s: part of life is making decisions and living with it. gambateh :-)

Ecclesiastes 7:14

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.


p/s: always take each day.don't risau for tomorrow.

mai som suk see

หน้าอย่างฉัน ฉันรู้ตัวเองดีไม่มีวัน
naa yaang chun chun roo dtua eng dee mai mee wun
For someone like me, I know it's impossible.

อย่าฝันให้มันเกินไม่มีทาง แต่หัวใจมันยังไม่ยอม
yaa fun hai mun gern mai mee taang dtae hua jai mun yung mai yom
I shouldn't dream about too much it as it just won't happen, but my heart won't give in.

ก็มันรัก ถึงแม้จะมีเพียงแค่หัวใจ ถึงแม้จะมีใคร
gor mun ruk teung mae ja mee piang kae hua jai teung mae ja mee krai
But I still love you, although all I have is my heart, although you have someone.

เขาทุ่มเทให้เธอมากกว่าคำว่ารักจากคนนี้
kao toom tae hai ter maak gwar kam wa ruk jaak kon nee
Who gives you much more than just the word "love" like me.

คนอย่างฉันมันก็ดีแต่รักเธอ
kon yaang chun mun gor dee dtae ruk ter
Someone like me is only quite good, but still loves you (??)

ถ้าหากเธอคิดว่าฉันยังไม่ดี ไม่สมศักดิ์ศรีของชีวิตเธอ
taa haak ter kit wa chun yung mai dee mai som suk see kong chee wit ter
If you think I'm not good enough, not special enough for you to be with.

ก็ออกไปค้นไปหาให้มันเจอ ที่เธอฝัน
gor ork bai kon bai haa hai mun jer tee ter fun
Then go out and find what is you're dreaming of.

แต่ถ้าวันไหนเธอเห็นความเป็นจริง ว่าสิ่งที่เธอต้องการคือหัวใจ
dtae taa wun nai ter hen kwarm ben jing
wa sing tee ter dtong gaan keu hua jai
But if one day you see what you really want is someone's heart.

ก็กลับมาหาคนที่รักเธอเกินใคร คนอย่างฉัน
gor glup ma ha kon tee ruk ter gern krai kon yaang chun
Come back and find someone who loves you more than anyone - someone like me.

ก็มันรัก ถึงแม้จะมีเพียงแค่หัวใจ ถึงแม้จะมีใคร
gor mun ruk teung mae ja mee piang kae hua jai teung mae ja mee krai
But I still love you, although all I have is my heart, although you have someone.

เขาทุ่มเทให้เธอมากกว่าคำว่ารักจากคนนี้
kao toom tae hai ter maak gwar kam wa ruk jaak kon nee
Who gives you much more than just the word "love" like me.

คนอย่างฉันมันก็ดีแต่รักเธอ
kon yaang chun mun gor dee dtae ruk ter
Someone like me is only quite good, but still loves you (??)

ถ้าหากเธอคิดว่าฉันยังไม่ดี ไม่สมศักดิ์ศรีของชีวิตเธอ
taa haak ter kit wa chun yung mai dee mai som suk see kong chee wit ter
If you think I'm not good enough, not special enough for you to be with.

ก็ออกไปค้นไปหาให้มันเจอ ที่เธอฝัน
gor ork bai kon bai haa hai mun jer tee ter fun
Then go out and find what is you're dreaming of.

แต่ถ้าวันไหนเธอเห็นความเป็นจริง ว่าสิ่งที่เธอต้องการคือหัวใจ
dtae taa wun nai ter hen kwarm ben jing
wa sing tee ter dtong gaan keu hua jai
But if one day you see what you really want is someone's heart.

ก็กลับมาหาคนที่รักเธอเกินใคร คนอย่างฉัน
gor glup ma ha kon tee ruk ter gern krai kon yaang chun
Come back and find someone who loves you more than anyone - someone like me.

ถ้าหากเธอคิดว่าฉันยังไม่ดี ไม่สมศักดิ์ศรีของชีวิตเธอ
taa haak ter kit wa chun yung mai dee mai som suk see kong chee wit ter
If you think I'm not good enough, not special enough for you to be with.

ก็ออกไปค้นไปหาให้มันเจอ ที่เธอฝัน
gor ork bai kon bai haa hai mun jer tee ter fun
Then go out and find what is you're dreaming of.

แต่ถ้าวันไหนเธอเห็นความเป็นจริง ว่าสิ่งที่เธอต้องการคือหัวใจ
dtae taa wun nai ter hen kwarm ben jing
wa sing tee ter dtong gaan keu hua jai
But if one day you see what you really want is someone's heart.

ก็กลับมาหาคนที่รักเธอเกินใคร คนอย่างฉัน
gor glup ma ha kon tee ruk ter gern krai kon yaang chun
Come back and find someone who loves you more than anyone - someone like me.

กลับมาหาคนที่รักเดียวใจเดียว อย่างฉัน
glup ma ha kon tee ruk dee-o jai dee-o yaang chun
Come back and find someone who loves you alone - someone like me

mai som suk see- tai tanawut


p/s: fell for this song when was addicted to the thailand serial, 'gentleman' on tv3 in the year 2005. :-) memories before national service.

photograph

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I've broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh oh oh
Oh God I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye

Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when

Oh oh oh
Oh God I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it

I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me


nickelbank-photograph


p/s: this song has many sweet memories for me looking back at the year 2005.

suicide note

Trouble follows me to my doorsteps I don’t want to know
Blood from Heaven and things from Hell they’re forcing me to go
So when you start to realize that I get no more sleep oh brother
So when I walk and when I so when I talk and it’s turning
it’s turning It’s turning turning turning turning.

Chorus


I Left my suicide note on the door

Once more.


The pipe is blowing and they’ve started searching I’m not afraid to go so bring me
So when I walk and when I so when I talk and It’s turning It’s turing It’s turning turning turning turning

So when you feel like love so when you think above and there’s nobody there and there’s nobody here

So when you feel estranged and there’s no complaints dear God I’m turning I’m turning I’m turning

turning turning turning

Chorus


I Left my suicide note on the door
Baby wont you look me in the eye once more? Once more
Lost In eyes and well it can’t stand in my way
Hit me honey I left my things down to play


disagree-suicide note


p/s: suicide is not a way out of troubles in life. remember that ! ! !